


Lover of Mine

by shirbert1989



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, F/M, Shirbert, So much angst, also smut if you squint, fluff if you squint, i got sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25653490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirbert1989/pseuds/shirbert1989
Summary: She stopped in front of her closet and he wrapped his hands around her waist from behind, digging his face into the crook of her neck as he repeated “I didn’t mean it”.Anne didn’t move. He felt her body shudder and convulse at the same time he heard quiet sobs escape her. His heart clenched and he tightened his grip around her.“I didn’t mean it baby I’m so sorry,” he said desperately.~•~•~Gilbert hurts Anne, deeply.Based on “Lover of Mine” by 5 Seconds of Summer
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 12
Kudos: 107





	Lover of Mine

**_Lover of mine, maybe we’ll take some time_ **

**_Kaleidoscope mind gets in the way_ **

**_Hope and I pray darling that you will stay_ **

**_Butterfly lies, chase them away_ **

Gilbert came home later than he’d hoped. He winced when the apartment door creaked as he shut it and quietly took his shoes off, shucking his backpack off his shoulder. He walked through the hallway on his way to the bathroom until he heard a quiet noise from the living room. His heart dropped when he saw Anne curled up on the couch, a quilted blanket Marilla gifted them for Christmas wrapped snugly around her.

Bending down, his thumb brushed over her peaceful face as he watched his girlfriend stir at his touch. A moment later she blinked her eyes open but when she saw Gilbert, she frowned.

“Hey I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” he said softly.

Anne blinked at him, “What time is it?”

He winced and looked down shamefully, “Around midnight. I’m sorry. I was studying with Winnie at the library and we just lost track of time.”

She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully before moving his hand away from her face and sitting up on the couch. Gilbert threw his backpack on the coffee table and tried to sit next to her, but she scooted away. He then saw her face was caked in makeup, and the black strap of her dress- his favorite dress on her- was poking through the blanket.

Realization and guilt simultaneously dawned on him.

“Oh Anne I’m so-“

“Forget it, it’s fine,” she mumbled, tugging the blanket around her tightly.

He shook his head, rubbing his hand over his face as he groaned. “I’m so, so, so-“

“It’s fine,” she snapped.

Surprised, he turned to look at her and saw tears falling down her cheek. When she rubbed them with the back of her hands she would rub her mascara off and when he tried to wipe them, she’d push him away.

“You were ‘studying’ until midnight?” Anne said bitterly. “And you expect me to believe that?”

Gilbert frowned, “Anne I wasn’t doing anything with Winnie, I swear.”

“Really? Because it seems nowadays you see her more than you see me so I’m sorry if I’m assuming,” she mumbled and stood up, dropping the blanket on the couch and walking out the living room.

Gilbert followed and grabbed her wrist to turn her around to face him. “Are we going to do this  _ again _ ?”

Anne scoffed, “How could you forget about tonight? Our anniversary? I’ve only been raving about this for weeks,” she said, ignoring his question.

He gulped and let go of Anne’s wrist. “I’m sorry, baby, I really am.”

“That’s all you’ve been lately!” She snapped. “Everytime you miss a dinner or plans that we have you’re always sorry but you never change!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been neglecting me for months! You get out of all our plans because you’re ‘studying’ with Winnie!” Anne finally admitted. “And I just bottled it up because I know you’re in med school and-and it’s hell and you’re busy, but Gil, this was our three year anniversary,” she said the last part quietly, hurt resonating through her voice.

“Neglecting you?” He scoffed. “I haven’t been neglecting you at all. I’ve been busy, Anne, there’s a difference.”

“Well excuse me for thinking anything different.”

“And you need to stop bringing Winnie into this,” he said bitterly. “She’s a good person and the way you treat her is ridiculous.”

“I don’t say anything about her!” She exclaimed. “I like her, I do, but at this point it’s like I’m not the one who’s your girlfriend, she is.”

Gilbert shook his head, “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Am I?”

“We always argue about Winnie to the point where it’s just annoying, Anne,” he said, exasperated. “I can’t be there with you 24/7-“

“One minute! One minute with you is all I want!”

“Well I’m here now!” He threw his hands up. “I’m here now and how are we spending our time?”

“I wanted you here hours ago!” She croaked through sobs. “You said you would be home hours ago! I-I made your favorite foods, I got our favorite movies ready on Netflix- hell, I even wore your favorite dress on me so I could pretend, just for a little while, that we were okay.”

“We  _ are  _ okay, Anne. We’re okay until you bring up some random reason to start a fight!”

“You forgetting about me is not a random reason to start an argument. Gil, I just want us to work things out but you’re never here!”

Gilbert’s jaw clenched and he shook his head, “How is it my fault that you’re so desperate for attention from me? You know what you signed up for when you agreed to date me when I started med school. You knew I was gonna be deep in work and busy every day. You knew I wasn’t gonna be able to give you attention all day every day. It’s not my fault that whenever I  _ am  _ here you pick a fight over anything and everything. You knew what you signed up for-“

“Gil,” she said quietly.

“-But I didn't. I didn’t know I signed up for your stupid arguments and your clinginess. God, you’re so difficult sometimes. If I knew this was what those stupid butterflies in my stomach were telling me I would’ve never agreed to be with you.”

He only registered what he’d said when he saw Anne open her mouth to retort but close it as his words hit her like a punch to the gut. His face fell and guilt washed over him when he saw her crystal blue eyes start tearing up. 

Her bottom lip trembled and she looked down at her feet. Gilbert tried to step forward to her and take her hand but she stepped back.

“Anne I didn’t mean that,” he said quietly. “I was just being stubborn and angry and I- god Anne, I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t say anything. It felt like hours until she finally looked back up at him, expressionless.

“I’m gonna go change. Goodnight, Gilbert,” she murmured and walked into their bedroom.

“No no, Anne,” he croaked out, following her desperately. “Anne I didn’t mean that.”

She stopped in front of her closet and he wrapped his hands around her waist from behind, digging his face into the crook of her neck as he repeated “I didn’t mean it”.

Anne didn’t move. He felt her body shudder and convulse at the same time he heard quiet sobs escape her. His heart clenched and he tightened his grip around her.

“I didn’t mean it baby I’m so sorry,” he said desperately.

Anne stood there crying with Gilbert wrapped around her for a minute until she forcefully pulled him away from her. She quickly grabbed her night chemise and stalked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a small thud. 

Gilbert was left staring back at the door where his love retreated. He had never wanted to go back in time and punch himself in the face more. He hurt her, his Anne, for something that she had a right to be upset about. He had been spending too much time with Winnie and forgetting their plans. There were constant mental reminders to stop it, but he always forgot. He quickly changed out of his clothes and into a T-shirt and sleeping pajamas before going to the guest bathroom to wash up there. When he washed his face, he winced when he saw his red brimmed eyes. 

He heard the other bathroom door creak open and tried to compose himself. He needed to be in the right state of mind. He couldn’t afford hurting Anne anymore than he already had. Guilt pulsed through him when he recalled what she said earlier about feeling neglected for months. He just thought she was jealous of Winnie and was tired after so many arguments with her over how she had no reason to be. But she did. Maybe not in that sense, but she had a right to be jealous over how much he would see her. She had a right to be angry at him, she had a right to feel neglected, and he tried to undermine all those emotions as “stupid”. 

A few moments later, he crept out from the bathroom and into their bedroom, where he saw Anne lying on the far right side of the bed, curled up in a fetal position. Memories of countless nights where he came home late to see her sleep in their big bed all alone, waiting for him, filled through his head. He couldn’t tell if she was awake or not, but he didn’t want to disturb her in case she was. So he flicked off the light and climbed into bed. He leaned over to place a kiss on her shoulder, but his question over whether she was awake or not was answered when she shuffled out from under him and scooted farther away. 

Gilbert swore he heard his heart break in two when she did that. He slid as far from her as he could but kept his body facing her as he fell asleep, hoping, praying, that she would somehow forgive him and come to him.

**_Dance around the living room_ **

**_Lose me in the sight of you_ **

**_I’ve seen the red, I’ve seen the blue_ **

**_Take all of me_ **

It had been a week since their argument, but to Gilbert it felt like years.

Anne hardly spoke to him if it wasn’t needed for a few days until she finally relented and said she forgave him. But she barely looked up at him, and the physical touches and contact were close to zero. 

Gilbert tried to avoid Winnie. He couldn’t look at her without thinking about Anne’s sobs. But when she cornered him after class one day, he finally broke down and confined in her. He told her almost everything: how he forgot the anniversary, how Anne was mad she felt neglected, and he tearfully recounted what he said to her and was met with a horrified gasp from his friend. He also told her how she had forgiven him but was still distant, and Winnie grimaced as she explained he’s probably not even aware of how bad he hurt her. She told him to prove how much he really loved her, no matter what happens.

That night, Gilbert left his study session early to surprise Anne, who was still at work and wouldn’t be home for another hour. A plan formed in his head and he quickly set the living room up, finishing right before Anne opened the front door.

She took her jacket off and hung her purse up but stopped in her tracks when she saw Gilbert standing in the living room surrounded by the LED candles she stored in the storage closet.

“What’s this?” She chuckled nervously.

Gilbert was fidgeting with his hands as he walked over to Anne. Before she could ask what was going on, he cupped her face and kissed her hungrily, desperately. A small moan fell from her as he pulled back. Their eyes met and Gilbert smiled softly, brushing his thumb against her cheek.

“Gilbert what are you doing?” She asked uneasily, confusion knitted in her eyebrows.

He gulped before letting go of her face, pulling her hands until they were in the middle of the living room. He picked up a small remote and pointed it to the stereo, and out came a classical song that nearly made Anne laugh.

She looked back with an amused expression. He grinned, and held his hand out for her.

“May I have this dance?” He asked.

Anne smiled faintly but begrudgingly put her hand in his and he pulled her closer as he led them in dance. She giggled as they could hardly keep off each other’s toes, eventually ditching the formality of the dance and resorting to jumping up and down. Their laughters drowned out the music and for a moment, they pretended everything was alright between them. 

Grins spread across their faces and they swore they heard knocks on the other side of the wall from their neighbors to quiet down. The sight of his red haired lover dancing in the faint light set his heart fluttering that he couldn’t stop staring at her as she lost herself in her happiness. The idea of ever hurting her again made his heart clench. He had no idea how she could even think of forgiving him when he couldn’t bear to do so for himself.

Eventually, they lost all energy and were just content to sway slowly in each other’s arms. His arms engulfed her small frame and rested his lips on her head, occasionally kissing her and feeling a small smile spread against his chest.

Soon she pulled out from him and glanced up at him with a smile.

“You’re a dork,” she chuckled.

He laughed too, “A cute dork.”

She pretended to think about it before nodding, “Maybe.”

They stared into each other’s eyes so gently yet intensely it was almost too much for Anne, and she gulped as she looked down and loosened her grip around him.

“Why'd you do this?” She asked.

Gilbert pulled away a bit so he could look down at her. “What do you mean?”

Anne sighed, exasperated, and pulled away from him completely. “What’s the occasion?”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her and shook his head, “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about. I did this because I love you.”

Anne frowned, “You’ve never done something like this before.”

“Well things change,” he added uneasily, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

His eyes met her blue ones and he was again reminded how he fell in love with her all those years ago. In the dim golden light, he could make out the color contrast between her red hair, her pale white skin, the soft pink of her lips, and her blue eyes and blouse she was wearing. He had never seen anything as gorgeous as her, and thought if he ever saw the goddess Aphrodite, she would pale in comparison to his lover.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Anne broke her gaze to the floor. Gilbert cautiously went up to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Anne I did this because I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to you, and I wanted to do this to prove to you that I love you so, so much,” he explained quietly.

Anne managed a glance up at him. “This was really sweet. Thank you,” she admitted. Gilbert chuckled in relief and almost pulled her in for another kiss until she stepped back. “Gilbert I, I’m tired,” she said quickly.

His face fell and he bit the inside of his cheek. “It’s only nine though.”

“I know but,” she forced herself to look away from him. She licked her lips and he saw tears were prodding her eyes again. “This was really sweet, but I just want to go to bed. I had a long day.”

Gilbert’s eyes furrowed at her, “Did I do something?”

She shook her head, “No I…” she trailed off. Gilbert quirked an eyebrow at her to finish but her pained expression confirmed his worst fear.

“I thought you said you forgave me,” he said quietly, his tone on the verge of showing his hurt.

Anne bit her bottom lip and exhaled, “I do. But...,” she started choking up and covered her mouth with her clamped hands.

She fell into his chest, silent sobs racking through her and he didn’t know what to do but gently wrap her in his arms again. She felt so small against him but her sobs echoed in his ears and filled his mind. Her head snuggled up against his chest as he held her in the living room. Tears began to well up in his own eyes as he placed passionate kisses against every inch of her as he could while keeping her cradled against him.

“I love you, I love you so much,” he whispered against her ear. 

It was then he realized he had broken her so much, something he had promised her years ago he would never do, to the point she could hardly bear to look at him, and soon their cries stopped, and they swayed slowly in each other’s embrace, neither of them wanting to leave the other despite the pain.

**_Deep to where your secrets hide_ **

**_Where we’ve been a thousand times_ **

**_Swallow every single pride_ **

**_Take all of me_ **

A small smile spread on Anne’s face when she caught Gilbert glancing at her from his spot at the steering wheel.

“Keep your eyes on the road buddy,” she gestured to the road in front of them.

“How can I when the view next to me is so beautiful?” He brought their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed her soft hands, making her giggle.

“If you crash into a car I’m jumping out and ditching you,” she joked.

Gilbert feigned hurt, “What am I? A getaway driver?”

“Precisely.”

They chuckled and fell into comfortable silence again. It was a week after their dance in the living room and Gilbert practically cried when he realized they were almost back to their old dynamic. He managed to make some time everyday for Anne and keep his grades steady since their fight on their anniversary, but he felt it still wasn’t enough to make his lover comfortable around him, well, not as much as she used to be. 

Right now, he was surprising her to a trip to a cliff overlooking the ocean. That spot was special to them for a number of reasons. It was where they became friends, it was where they first declared their love for each other, and it was where he gave her a promise ring, promising to never hurt her for as long as he lived.

The last memory was almost a pain in the gut for him and he quickly glanced over at Anne. Her head was leaning against the window and she was looking out at the sights they passed, a wistful smile on her face. She looked ravishing, and it nearly pained him to move his eyes back to the road.

When he pulled up to the cliff, Anne gasped and squealed. She ran out of the car and near to the edge, throwing her arms up and breathing in the cool ocean breeze from down below.

Gilbert ran up beside her, “Anne!” He panted. “You can’t just run out of the car before I even park!”

Anne giggled as she dropped her arms, inhaling once more. “It feels like forever since I came here. It’s so hard to believe it’s only been a week.”

He did a double take to her at her words. “You were here last week?”

Anne’s peacefulness was ruined when she opened her eyes, keeping her glance over the blue to white horizon. “Uh yeah,” she cleared her throat. “Sometimes I come here just to…think.”

Gilbert nodded but remained silent. He knew full well why she would come up here to think. It had to do with him, and guilt once again greeted him like an old friend. He was starting to hate his familiarity with that feeling, but it was his fault anyways, and he had to just deal with it.

“Anne.” He turned around and took her hands in his, swaying them back and forth as he swallowed his pride and tried to find the words he wanted to say. “I’m so sorry.”

Anne bit her lip, “Gilbert we don’t have to keep doing this.”

“No we do,” he insisted. “I hurt you, Anne, and I can’t live with myself knowing that I hurt the one person I gave my heart too at this very place.” His eyes welled up with tears. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel invisible, unwanted,  _ neglected  _ for so long. I’m so sorry that I forgot about our plans. I’m so sorry that I ruined our anniversary. I’m so sorry for what I said that night, I wish, God I wish, I could take it all back, Anne. I love you so much, you have all of me, forever and always. I promise I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life, darling, I promise.”

Anne was silent. Her body was stiff and she was still that anyone from a distance could assume she was a statue.

“I forgave you a long time ago,” she finally said. “Stop carrying this guilt with you, Gil. I already forgave you.”

“Anne, you may have forgiven me but I still hurt you.”

“I’ve been through worse.”

“And I promised you I would never do anything to even compare to the hurt you experienced,” he croaked.

“Gil.” She cupped his cheek with her hand. “You’re a good man, I know that. I know you love me, that’s why I forgave you.”

“I didn’t mean it,” he shook his head. “I didn’t mean any of it.”

She was silent at that, but leaned in to peck his lips lovingly. She pulled away just enough to hover her lips over his and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to meet her height.

“I love you,” she said softly, resting her forehead on his.

Gilbert sniffled before leaning in for a chaste kiss, “I love you,” he murmured against her lips. “I’m yours, I always will be.”

**_I’ll never give you away_ **

**_Cause I already made that mistake_ **

**_If my name never fell of your lips again_ **

**_I know it’d be such a shame_ **

Gilbert has a big test in two days, and he’d be lying if he said he was confident he would pass. He tried dividing his time with his study group and Anne evenly the past few weeks, but he was frustrated when he saw his grade slipped a bit and was nearly at a borderline A.

His med school friends tried to push him to keep studying with them, but he managed to resist and was quite proud of himself for that. That night was Anne’s birthday and since it was a weekday, their friends were planning a surprise party that weekend. Tonight, though, was reserved for a special date night that Gilbert put together.

When he got home from the library, giddy at the thought of surprising Anne, he stopped in his tracks when he saw her sitting at the dining table by herself, already munching on the dinner he hid in the fridge behind various items.

Anne saw him in the corner of her eye and she froze, her eyebrows knitted together in surprise.

“Gil, you’re home early.” She got up from her seat and went over to him.

Gilbert snapped himself out of it. “Happy Birthday,” he said weakly.

Anne chuckled and stood on her toes and kissed his cheek,”Thank you,” she muttered against his skin.

He cleared his throat, motioning to the dinner table. “I see you found my surprise dinner for you.”

Anne’s face fell in realization, “Oh my god. Oh shit, you were going to surprise me and I ruined it?” She groaned. “I’m sorry.”

Gilbert bit his lip to keep a smile from spreading and shook his head, feigning hurt. “How dare thee?” He said in a bad Renaissance accent. 

Anne giggled, “Please don’t do that again.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and leaned down to give a longing kiss. “Since it’s your birthday, and  _ only  _ because it’s your birthday, I won’t.”

She led him to the dinner table and he sat opposite her, digging into the food set out on the table. He surprised her with a huge teddy bear with a pristine journal tied to its hands that he hid in the guest bedroom. The pure joy and happiness when she dived into the bear made Gilbert’s heart flutter and he couldn’t resist taking multiple photos of that moment. When it was time for him to bring the cake out, he made her act surprised since she’d already seen it in the fridge earlier. She made a wish, blew the candles out, then they dived in. Their dinner moved to the living room where Anne cuddled into Gilbert’s side as they ate the cake and watched Anne’s favorite movie,  _ The Princess Bride _ .

“Hey, why'd you act surprised when I came home early?” He asked randomly during the movie.

Anne played with her fork and bit her cheek. “Nothing,” she shrugged.

Gilbert nudged her to look at him. He raised an eyebrow at her when she glanced at him and finally relented with a sigh.

“You can’t hate me for this,” she warned. “It’s just, I was so used to our plans being cancelled because you were out late studying or whatever, and I know you have a big test coming up so I thought it’d be one of those nights where you stay at the library until dawn. And, I just kind of thought you wouldn’t come until later so I was fine celebrating my birthday by myself.”

He was quiet for a moment. The only sounds that filled the room was the faint conversation between the characters of the movie. His arm stiffened around her shoulder and Anne played with her slice of cake, suddenly not hungry anymore. Finally, Gilbert put his plate down on the coffee table and paused the movie, turning Anne towards him.

“Anne, I meant it when I said I would never do that to you again,” he said seriously as he gripped her shoulders. “I meant it when I said I’ll never make you feel neglected again. I already made that mistake and I hurt you so bad that I got scared you were going to leave me.”

Anne frantically shook her head and grabbed his hands that were on her shoulder. “God, Gil. I would never, ever leave you.”

“I know, but if you did,” he paused, his mind running as he left the possibility in the air. “If you did leave me, if you forgot about me, I don’t think I could blame you. But I don’t want that. I never want you out of my life, I never want you to forget about me. And I’m doing whatever I can to make sure we stay together forever.”

Anne quickly leaned over his lap to give him a bruising kiss. Gilbert felt tears fall down his cheek and Anne swiped them away with her thumb. He moved the plate from her and to the coffee table as he leaned Anne back on the couch, hovering over her. His kisses fell to her jaw as his finger grazed her body delicately, like one wrong touch could break her. 

They broke away, panting. He gave a soft kiss to her forehead and Anne gave a wet laugh. He hadn’t even realized she was teary eyed too.

“I love you, Gilbert John Blythe,” she said breathily.

He smiled and leaned in, this time placing a kiss on her nose. “I love you, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.”

He wrapped her legs around his waist and stood up, making her squeal and cling to him as he walked them to their bedroom, their forgotten plans waiting for them in the living room for when they came back.

**_When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes_ **

**_You’re the only thing that I think I got right_ **

**_I’ll never give you away_ **

**_Cause I already made, already made that mistake_ **

Gilbert stood nervously behind Anne as she gazed out at the cliff. The warm hues of the sunset washed over them and everything felt right with the world, especially for what he was about to do.

Before she could turn around, Gilbert quietly got down on one knee and opened the velvet box, his heart stopping momentarily when he glanced down at his mother’s ring.

“You know, I never thought it was possible to fall in love with a place, but after being here countless times, I think it’s safe to say I love this place more than you,” she teased.

Gilbert laughed, but the nervous timber in his laugh was present. “Well I hope you’re joking or else this would be very awkward.”

She scoffed and began turning around to him. “Of course I’m joking, why-“ She gasped, covering her mouth with her hand when she saw Gilbert’s kneeling position. “Gil?”

Gilbert swallowed nervously as he began:

“I’m not the best man. Hell, I’m nowhere near close to that man. I’ve fucked up countless times in my life, with and without you, but I promised you I would spend my whole life making up for it. There have been...many moments of my life that I regret and wish I could take back, but I would never,  _ ever  _ trade a single moment with you for anything else. You make me a better man, you make me  _ happy.  _ The way you make me feel is unspeakable, my feelings for you are so intense I want to commit the rest of my life to making you feel somewhere close to that way every single day. I promise, to never let you go, to never give you any reason to hate me, and I promise to love you and only you until my dying breath. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, my Anne with an E, will you marry me?”

Anne fell on her knees in front of him as she started sobbing, nodding her head up and down and letting out a wet laugh as she threw her hands around Gilbert’s neck, kissing him deeply. She pulled away to catch her breath as they rested their forehead on each other’s, taking in each other. She chuckled lightly when she saw tears falling down his cheek too and wiped them away.

“So...is that a yes?” He joked and Anne laughed.

“Yes,  _ definitely  _ yes,” she croaked out.

Gilbert grinned. He popped the ring out of the box and Anne gasped when she saw it. She looked up at him with wide, questioning eyes.

“Your mother’s?” She asked in awe.

Gilbert nodded, examining the ring before taking Anne’s hand and putting it on, kissing her hand lovingly when he was done.

“God I love you, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert,” he said breathily.

“Not as much as I love you, Gilbert John Blythe,” Anne croaked out as she moved to sit in his lap, digging her head into his chest.

Gilbert shook his head with a scoff, “Did you not hear my proposal? Are you going to make me repeat it?”

Anne giggled and moved her hand to his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his smooth skin. They stared at each other as the sun set and darkness fell over them, the light in each other’s eyes serving as stars in the meantime.

**_Lover of mine, I know you’re colorblind_ **

**_I watched the world fall from your eyes_ **

**_All my regrets and things you can’t forget_ **

****

**_Light them all up, kiss them goodbye_ **

Winifred kissed Gilbert in his living room. And Anne saw just as she came home from work.

“Anne! Anne!” Gilbert called out to the retreating head of red hair from their apartment.

Anne clamped her hands over her mouth to hold in her sobs as she dashed down the stairs, unknowingly pushing people out of her way as Gilbert chased her down. It wasn’t until she was on the last floor and nearly tripped over the last step did Gilbert catch her before she fell and pulled her into his chest.

“Get away from me!” She screamed out through sobs as she pounded her fists against his chest. But they were no use, he was still taller and stronger than her but she never relented.

“Anne it wasn’t what it looked like,” he said quickly, staring down at her desperately. “She-she just kissed me. I didn’t even kiss back. Anne I swear-“

“Get  _ away  _ from me!” She repeated. This time, with more anger. 

“I would  _ never  _ cheat on you Anne I swear.”

“Why was she even in our apartment, huh? You don’t bring a beautiful girl to our apartment unless…” she trailed off and broke into sobs, not daring to say it. “Just let me go.”

Gilbert shook his head furiously, “Anne we were just preparing for our exams I swear,” he said soothingly.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the look in Anne’s eyes when he pushed Winifred back at the sound of a small gasp, his red haired lover staring wide eyed at them like the whole world had fallen in front of her.

“Fuck you,” she croaked out. “Fuck you.”

She didn’t have any energy to keep fighting. She wanted to push him away and run to her car and drive until she didn’t even know where she was, but at the same time, she didn’t want to let him go.

“Anne I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he placed a loving, passionate kiss on top of her head. “It'll never happen again.”

“You’ve always defended her against me,” she said quietly.

Her words hit him like a train. She was right, everytime she would dare imply Winnie had a crush on him he’d get defensive over her, but she was right. She’d always been right and he’d always try to undermine her and make her feel stupid for thinking stuff like that.

Gilbert pulled away to lean down and kiss her lips deeply. When his lips hovered over hers, waiting for a kiss back, Anne relented, slowly leaning in to kiss him delicately. His hand cradled the back of her head and his other arm wrapped around her waist tightly. He was never going to let her get away from him, never.

When he pulled back, Anne kept her gaze on his chest that was in her line of vision. “It’s gonna be hard to forget this, Gil, and everything else that happened.”

Her voice was so soft, it nearly made his stomach drop. She was so innocent and small and he’d manage to hurt her not once, but  _ twice  _ now. 

He kissed her lips softly and rubbed his thumb over her skin, resting his forehead on hers. “I know. But I promise, I promise nothing like that will ever happen again. All these things I did that I regret, you will never be familiar with them again,  _ okay _ ? I’m marrying you, Anne, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else  _ but  _ you.”

Anne paused for a moment before looking up at him, smiling softly. “Okay.”

He kissed her again and she kissed him back, and with that she finally told herself to let go of the grudge she’d been holding over that argument a year ago, trying to force herself to get over it, and kissed all her worries and his words goodbye.

**_Dance around the living room_ **

**_Lose me in the sight of you_ **

**_I’ve seen the red, I've seen the blue_ **

**_Take all of me_ **

“We’re married!” Anne exclaimed happily as Gilbert shut their apartment door behind him, not even bothering to hide his laugh.

“We’ve been married for two weeks, my love,” he muttered against her lips as he pulled her for a searing kiss.

She pulled back and hummed, “Yes but it still feels like just this morning I was walking down the aisle…” she trailed off as she pulled him to her and walked them towards the living room.

“And I started crying when I saw you,” he added sheepishly.

“And we said our vows.”

“Yours was better, may I add.” He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She scoffed and playfully hit his shoulder. “Yours was better.”

“Yours was magical.”

She pretended to think about it before shrugging, “Yeah mine was better.”

He rolled his eyes playfully before leaning to place a kiss on her forehead. She giggled and began swaying their bodies slowly in the living room.

“And then our honeymoon,” she gasped. “Oh, I couldn’t have had a better honeymoon if I dreamed.”

Gilbert quirked an eyebrow at her, “You really enjoyed it that much? We hardly did anything.”

Anne glanced at him, “Of course we did.” She stood on her toes to brush her lips against his ear. “As I recall...you did a lot of things to me.”

Gilbert groaned at her suggestive tone and Anne laughed. “We just got home from an eight hour flight, can we please wait a few more hours until you start being all suggestive?”

Anne smirked but shrugged. “Fine. But for now,” she wrapped her arms around his waist and continued swaying, “dance with me.”

He hummed in agreement, “Of course.”

They swayed in silence in their living room. Gilbert’s occasional pecks on top of her head and Anne’s breathing being the only sounds as they held each other. The sight of his small lover, now wife, wrapped around his waist made him smile softly. He could hardly believe they were at this point, even though he knew it was eventual, but there were still roadblocks on their path to getting here. The thought that he could’ve lost her made Gilbert tighten his grip around her waist, making her squeal.

Finally, they got tired and retreated to bed but Anne made Gilbert wait in the living room as she got ready. After what felt like hours of teasing remarks from the other side of the bedroom door, it finally flung open to reveal Anne in blue lingerie. 

Gilbert’s eyes widened as he took in his wife from head to toe. The red blush on her cheeks almost, just almost, matched the red of her hair. His heart nearly stopped when he realized the blue lingerie matched the color of her eyes. Whether accidental or on purpose, Gilbert silently thanked whatever higher power there is before trotting over to Anne and picking her up in one swoop, making her squeal as he carried her to their bed.

He laid her down gently under him as his hands touched every inch of exposed skin as he could, making her hum in content. 

“I thought our honeymoon was over,” he teased as he cupped her breasts through the lace.

She chuckled, “Well, I forgot this piece here so I thought, why not extend it just a bit longer?”

He smiled against her lips. “You’re so smart, Mrs. Blythe.”

She reciprocated his smile before his lips trailed down to her neck “Take me, Gil,” she whined. “Take me. You have all of me.”

At that, he kissed her soft lips again, making good of her demand.

**_Deep to where your secrets hide_ **

**_Where we’ve been a thousand times_ **

**_Swallow every single pride_ **

**_Take all of me_ **

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you,” Anne sobbed as she stuffed her face in her hands, tears spilling over her.

Gilbert sat by his wife’s side and brought her closer to his chest, shaking his head. “It’s okay, my love.”

“No it’s not!” She exclaimed and pulled away from him, pacing the living room. “I-I should’ve told you when I saw that stupid plus sign and-and I didn’t! And-and you has to find out after I started bleeding and…” she didn’t finish. She fell to her knees on the ground as she remembered what happened just a few days ago.

Gilbert was immediately to her side and hugged her from behind. “Anne, all I care is that you’re okay,” he whispered.

“But I’m  _ not  _ okay,” Anne sobbed out. She clutched Gilbert’s arms to her chest. “You were right,” she said quietly. “How can you be with me? I’m so difficult.”

The words from their argument a little over a year and a half ago echoed in his brain and his arms stiffened around Anne. He hadn’t thought about it in so long, but the ease with which she spoke of it set Gilbert off.

“Anne-“

“I know I promised I would forget it Gil, but sometimes I can’t help but think if you _were_ right,” she said softly.

He pondered for a moment. “I told you I didn’t mean it.”

“You don’t say anything in the heat of the moment unless it’s true!” She finally exclaimed and pushed his arms away, rising to her feet. “It  _ is  _ true Gilbert. I  _ am  _ difficult and clingy and sensitive and I start fights over nothing. God, I’m starting one right now over something that should be a lost memory but it isn’t. How can you stay with someone like me, Gil? How? There’s millions of better girls out there that are way better than me. I’m not good enough for you.”

Gilbert rose to his feet before her. She wasn’t angry, he could tell, she was genuinely curious and hurting. He couldn’t help but think, had she been wondering this since the fight? Had she thought she wasn't good enough for him? Is that why she didn’t seem to try to fight when she caught Winifred kissing him? She thought he had found someone better, and was going to let him go.

Stepping towards her in two stride steps, he wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her to his chest, resting his chin atop her head. Anne cried against his chest as he rubbed his hands over her soothingly.

Gilbert swallowed down any argument that raided his mind to defend himself. What Anne didn’t need was any more excuses or apologies, what she needed was him, proving his love to her no matter what.

“I only love you Anne, and nothing you do could ever make me think anything different,” he promised quietly. “You have all of me, mind, body and soul. And if you’ll let me have all of you, mind, body and soul, I swear I will never make you upset again. I swear.”

She didn’t reply, but her sobs died down until she was quiet and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you,” she apologized against his chest.

Gilbert shook his head, “Don't be, baby. I understand. You were waiting for the right time.”

“It’s all my fault, but I don’t even know what I did,” she muttered softly.

He pulled away to tilt his wife’s chin up to him. The sheer pain in her face cut Gilbert’s heart open in million different pieces but he didn’t even know what to say to make her feel better. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he promised. “Unless you did something to hurt yourself and hurt the baby, you did nothing. This isn’t your fault,  _ none  _ of it is.”

She found it hard to believe him again, but she was too exhausted to fight, too exhausted to argue. So she kept her arms around him, because after all, he had all of her and always would.

**_I’ll never give you away_ **

**_Cause I’ve already made that mistake_ **

**_If my name never fell off your lips again_ **

**_I know it’d be such a shame_ **

The pregnancy was difficult, but since the first two went fine, Anne kept reassuring Gilbert everything would go fine. But as she laid in sweat and blood, their newborn daughter in the hands of the doctor, Gilbert’s heart thumped furiously when he felt his wife’s breathing become more shallow and her hands go limp in his grip.

“Anne?” He asked, the joy of seeing his new daughter being clouded by his sheer concern for his wife. “Anne? Anne, can you hear me? Anne!”

Gilbert knew he was not allowed to perform on family members, especially his wife, but when the monitor started flatlining, nothing could hold him back.

“Anne, come on! Come on!” He yelled as the nurses and doctors rushed in to help. 

The sounds of his daughter crying, his two sons being guarded by Diana and Jerry outside the door, and the sight of his wife crashing was the breaking point for Gilbert. As he desperately tried to save the love of his life, tears spilled down his cheeks.

Eventually he was pulled away by the other doctors, who were exclaiming to save Anne. Gilbert started sobbing. His coworker tugged on his sleeve to make him leave the room so the doctors could work, but he refused to leave. All that left his mouth were pleads to do anything and everything to save Anne. 

His life flashed before his eyes in the most terrifying moment of his life. Every mistake he made, every little fight he had with Anne, every argument and disagreement seemed so miniscule right now as his wife fought for her life. 

He couldn’t do anything. He could only cry and plead for Anne to come back, to come back to him, to his friends, to her sons, and their newborn daughter she fought so hard to bring into this world.

Finally, he heard a beep.

“Oh my god,” he exclaimed, pushing through the nurses to his wife, who was struggling to open her eyes in the bright light despite the protests from his coworkers.

“Gilbert?” Anne asked so softly he wouldn’t have even known what she said unless he didn’t memorize how her mouth looked when she said his name.

Gilbert cried in relief, running his hands over Anne’s red hair- her beautiful hair- as he laid his forehead on hers.

“I thought I lost you,” he muttered repeatedly before peppering kisses on her cold skin.

Anne chuckled tiredly, “You’re never losing me.”

“Never,” he repeated.

His mind finally reeled in the surrounding noises, and the piercing cry of his daughter made Anne gasp.

“Oh, she’s beautiful,” she said in awe as she saw her daughter wrapped in a blanket by the nurse. 

She sat up, wanting to hold it, but the doctor warned her not to move since she lost a lot of blood. So instead, the nurse handed the baby to Gilbert, who cradled her with such care and love Anne couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her face.

“Cordelia,” she whispered, looking up at her husband with wide eyes when he brought the baby lower so Anne could see.

Gilbert grinned, “Cordelia Blythe,” he said. 

They spent what felt like hours just admiring their new daughter while Anne was carefully monitored until their daughter had to be taken. Gilbert spent the rest of the day holding his wife as she drifted off to sleep, never, ever, letting her slip from him.

**_When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes_ **

**_You’re the only thing that I think I got right_ **

**_I’ll never give you away_ **

**_Cause I’ve already made, already made that mistake_ **

“I don’t want them to grow up,” Anne frowned as she leaned into her husband’s chest as they sat on a quilted blanket Marilla made all those years ago, watching the sunset over the cliff. “I only see them as babies. I can’t believe Walter is going to high school next year.”

Gilbert chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of his wife’s head. “You’re making me feel old.”

Anne giggled, that same infectious giggle that never wavered after all these years. “That’s because we  _ are _ old.”

He smiled, “You still look as young as you did the day we first met.”

Anne rolled her eyes and slapped his arm, “You don’t have to lie, I’m getting old and ugly and it’s only a matter of time before you’re repulsed by me.”

Gilbert stiffened, putting his finger under Anne’s chin so she had to look up at him. “If you think I will ever be repulsed by you, maybe I should’ve been top of the class instead.”

She giggled, and he laughed too. 

“I love you,” she said softly as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I love you,” he said. “Happy 16 years of marriage.”

Anne smiled, “Happy 16 years of marriage.”

They fell into comfortable silence as the orange and yellows hues enveloped them. They had been married for years, but their love was still as new and fresh as the day their eyes first met. 

Gilbert could still remember that day so vividly. Her neat twin braids, the impact of the textbook against his head, the utter love he felt when she glared at him. As he looked back at his life, nothing seemed as important as his times with Anne. Even that fight all those years ago seemed meaningless. It took a long time for her to truly forgive him and forget it, but he understood. After everything she went through in her life and with him, the least she deserved was time to process. But all that mattered was that she forgave him and knew how much he truly loved her. He almost lost her so many times, and as he looked down lovingly at his wife cuddled up against him, he was determined to never, ever lose her until their dying breath.

And with a small kiss to her temple, the sun set over them, and the two were encompassed in darkness. But they had each other, and that was all they needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t hate me.
> 
> I’ve been feeling really angsty and sad lately so I decided to fuel that energy into writing an equally angsty fic for shirbert.
> 
> So my plan was to base this on Folklore instead, but I just could not bring myself to have Gilbert cheat on Anne as indicated by some of the songs on the album. But, that doesn’t mean I won’t do a Folklore/Shirbert fic because the album is too much of a masterpiece for me to ignore it.
> 
> I hope you guys understand why I dragged the fight for so long. But personally, if the love of my life said those hurtful words, it would echo in my mind for a very long time, so I’m basically projecting myself into Anne. I know Gilbert’s kind of a bitch in the beginning but I tried really hard to make him likable and good throughout. I like pretending that men can change and aren’t plain dumbasses who hurt a girl that loves them and scars them forever.
> 
> Honestly, writing this broke my heart. I don’t know about y’all but I’m glad I didn’t have Gilbert cheat on her because I would’ve never forgiven myself for that.
> 
> But on a serious note, I wanted to portray their relationship in a realistic light. Not saying that every relationship has that moment where someone hurts the other so badly they can barely forgive them, but every relationship has its ups and downs and it takes a lot to get back to how it used to be. A lot of fics make shirbert seem unrealistic (I am not calling anyone out, really, I love those fics more than my own life), and I just found it sad that there aren’t a lot of fics that show a “what if they were just plain stupid” and threaten their love for each other. And thanks to the wonderful world of fan fiction, I can do as I please with that.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. Scream, cry, yell at me in the comments.


End file.
